I'll start by saying that when I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't picture myself in this position at all. I think most women envision themselves and their significant other together in the delivery room welcoming their new baby and then bringing him or her home to settle in as a new family. As it stands, I am a (nearly) 26 year old mother of two and proud trucker's girlfriend. B and I have been together for nearly 4 years. Our oldest son "Boogie" is 2 years old and our little one is only three weeks old. The end of this pregnancy was a stormy up and down experience as pregnancy induced hypertension began to really take a toll on me. During the last two months, B was attending a truck driving school to obtain his CDL while I stayed home on bedrest taking care of Boogie and filling out numerous job applications. To this day I still don't even know my own driver's license number, but can reel off B's drivers license, expiration, social, and past five years of work history, complete with addresses and phone numbers.
I was so excited when my trucker got his CDL at the end of August but began wondering which would come first: our baby's arrival around September 23 or B's departure for orientation for a new job. We were hurting for money so postponing the job hunt was out of the question. On September 3rd, we decided to set an induction date for the 17th. Later that week we got a phone call that I had been hoping for and dreading... B landed a job. More significant was that he was given his departure date: September 10th. I was crushed as now I had a deadline more or less if B was going to be with me in the delivery room. There was no one else in the world I could imagine being with me because I'm a private person. My attempts to jumpstart labor over the weekend came with no success and I was left with a broken heart and a toddler who was screaming for his daddy as the Greyhound bus rumbled away on Monday night. On Thursday the 13th at my doctor's appointment it was decided that I would go in the next morning for induction because my blood pressure was getting out of control and I was contracting regularly anyways. The next day was a whirlwind of emotion for me and really all I wanted was to have B at my side. I was fortunate that things went well. I delivered an 8lb 14.2oz baby boy at 12:47 and the first thing I did after touching him was to text B who was at job orientation and then ask a nurse to use my phone to take pictures. That night we were able to video chat over our phones so he could "meet" baby Devlin.
Since coming home, I have had good days an bad days and looked forward to any calls or occasional texts I received because until now, my trucker and I had been together every single day. I was genuinely interested to hear about the things he encountered during training and secretly I was a little jealous because I have wanted to be a truck driver since I was in the eighth grade and here he was doing it while I was home with the kids. When he was assigned his own truck, a 2012 Kenworth T700, I was thrilled for him and filled with a renewed sense of pride. When I have moments where I sit here feeling sorry for myself because I'm home alone raising two kids, I firmly remind myself that I am lucky to be able to stay home with them while B is out over the road, also all alone, working hard while he waits for the chance to come home and see how his family has grown.
I must admit that I've probably been in need of a reality check since I graduated from high school. I've never been truly on my own and there has always been someone there to make sure I don't screw up too badly. Now I've been essentially thrown to the sharks! I have organized and micro organized everything. I have "The Brain" which is a small organizer book where I write down every bill and when it's due as well as appointments. I figure in a weekly expense allowance for my trucker as well as how much I need for household expenses while trying to be as thrifty as possible. I have found this ongoing task to be quite satisfying. I am so excited that we will be climbing out of debt and getting ahead.
I have reached out to the online community and found other truckers' wives and girlfriends who are in the same situation. And it's not just a situation, it is a lifestyle in which our little family has just entered into. There is a growing strength within me that is determined not to fail. My trucker is out there driving long hours to make the money and with it I will pay the bills, feed and clothe our children and put away for the future. A month ago, I was depressed and nothing but miserable... just trying to get through each day. But this week, I woke up one morning, pulled my head out of my ass, and knowing that I am the one who sets the tone for my day I chose to also gave a sense of pride in myself. Since giving birth I have already lost 40 lbs and that sparked an enthusiasm to better my lifestyle. I am eating better and finding time to exercise. It's an almost rabid obsession right now because I cannot wait to see the look on my trucker's face when he sees how much I've changed (for the better)! Our house was a pig sty when B left. By the time he comes home it will be clean. There is some magical property in coffee that turns me into a crack squirrel and I just start cleaning. Half way through a cup, my brain suddenly goes "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS" and it just goes from there. Now that I see progress I am excited and proud of myself for making another positive change. I have been forced to reclaim a sense of independence which has been incredibly refreshing for me because I didn't realize what I had lost.
So first I am mommy two my two boys and then I am Suzy Homemaker, but I've found a third hat to wear in what I think of as this "trucker's wifestyle". Even though we are not married, I think being together for four years and having two kids together is enough for me to be allowed to consider us married on all but paper... I'm certainly more than a casual girlfriend and my trucker easily fulfills the role of husband in my heart! My newest hat to wear is that of stationary navigator and co-pilot and is a role I am thoroughly enjoying. Hearing the relief in my trucker's voice when I assure him he is running on time and how much squeeze room he has is enough for me. He says that right now while he is a newbie, it takes a big weight off of his shoulders to not necessarily have to calculate every time/mileage scenario. I've already caught a screw up in his second route/fuel stop plan that he was given. And his GPS is on my shit list right now because it has only been trouble so far. I told B that anything I can do to make his life easier whether it just be taking care of the kids, or trying to help bail him out of a tight spot, that's what my job is. Maybe one day we will team drive once the kids are older.
I have learned a lot about a lot of different things in the last couple weeks. I've been learning about the trucks, the job, DOT stuff and hearing a lot about different companies and the types of work. But mostly I've learned a lot about myself and that I am a stronger person than I thought. I fully support my trucker and stand behind him because he is out there missing the chance to see his boys grow up. Before now, I never gave much thought to the lives of truck drivers or the families they leave behind, but now I understand. It's not a job, it's a lifestyle. And for me this isn't just a situation I'm in... it's a wifestyle.
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