It seems to me that when one thing goes wrong, then everything goes wrong. B can't seem to catch a break right now and we are both frustrated. Every day is something different. But there is SOMETHING that just doesn't go right. From the trailer wash out that ate up two hours of his tight schedule that he ended up not needing, sending him off the wring exits, it just feels like nothing is going right right now. He seems discouraged and it makes me sad because I truly want him to succeed!
And then on the home front, whenever I drive my car anywhere it overheats. It doesn't mater if it is 2 minutes or 20, my car is not happy. It won't hold radiator fluid and the water pump is possibly shot. Plus there is a leak in one of the hoses too! We can't afford the shop until next month! We have bills and rent to pay before we fix the car.
My cat is sad that his buddy is gone and is now refusing food to the point he has lost a lot of weight and is fairly skinny.
Devlin's pediatrician isn't happy that he has only gained 2 oz since birth. He has a normal number of diapers and is hydrated. I'm just happy that I'm able to mostly breastfeed this time.
This has just been one of those overwhelming weeks where I keep asking "Can't something just go right already?"
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
How a piece of cloth has saved my sanity (or most of it, anyways)
Being a trucker's wife (or girlfriend) and having kids together is something akin to being a single parent. Day in and day out, you are the only one available to kiss booboos, change diapers, shop for groceries, clean house, pay the bills and all of the other tasks that come with maintaining a household. When you're sick with the flu, the kids don't get put on hold. There's no one else to tag out with and take a break from everything and it can be incredibly overwhelming. B left for orientation not long before Devlin was born, so for the past couple weeks I have been dealing with the overwhelming hurricane of postpartum hormones AND a rambunctious two-year-old on my own. Boogie has been even more difficult to manage because he has been acting out because he doesn't understand why or where his daddy has gone. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. I often dread leaving the house because even the smallest trip becomes a chore. Devlin is the most mellow baby except if I try to put him down in his swing or pack n play. He will cry until I pick him up. He will cry forever. Or it feels that way at least.
It seems impossible to get things done with a newborn who doesn't want to be put down. But one thing has saved my sanity: my ring sling. At this point I could just about profess my undying love to that piece of cloth. It started its life as a paprika BBslen woven wrap and its previous owner had it converted to a ring sling. I later bought it and used it some with Boogie, who was an older baby at that time. I have used it every single day with Devlin since we came home. Wearing Devlin frees up my hands to wash dishes, do laundry, pick up the house, walk the dog... anything. It saves me from having to lug the carseat into the grocery store and take up most of the basket. But most of all, it keeps my baby close where he is warm and content to sleep. As the days grow cooler I will break out the Sleepy Wrap and when Devlin gets bigger we will try the Ergo. Boogie still enjoys being worn in the Ergo from time to time.
Without some kind of productivity in my day, I start getting anxious. Whether it's planning my trucker's time schedule for the day, finding him a truck stop, doing the dishes or vacuuming, I need some kind of progress in my day. This kind of forward motion keeps me from dwelling on the fact that B isn't here and feeling like I'm "stuck". Instead, I keep my eyes on the horizon and know that each passing day is one day closer to him coming home. With as needy as my newborn is right now, wearing him grants me more freedom. When Boogie was born, I started wearing him because I enjoyed it. Now with two kids, babywearing is simply the most practical solution. And it's a solution I love!
Grocery shopping today with a toddler in the basket, a newborn in the sling and my trucker in my ear. That's about as easy as it gets while B is OTR.
It seems impossible to get things done with a newborn who doesn't want to be put down. But one thing has saved my sanity: my ring sling. At this point I could just about profess my undying love to that piece of cloth. It started its life as a paprika BBslen woven wrap and its previous owner had it converted to a ring sling. I later bought it and used it some with Boogie, who was an older baby at that time. I have used it every single day with Devlin since we came home. Wearing Devlin frees up my hands to wash dishes, do laundry, pick up the house, walk the dog... anything. It saves me from having to lug the carseat into the grocery store and take up most of the basket. But most of all, it keeps my baby close where he is warm and content to sleep. As the days grow cooler I will break out the Sleepy Wrap and when Devlin gets bigger we will try the Ergo. Boogie still enjoys being worn in the Ergo from time to time.
Without some kind of productivity in my day, I start getting anxious. Whether it's planning my trucker's time schedule for the day, finding him a truck stop, doing the dishes or vacuuming, I need some kind of progress in my day. This kind of forward motion keeps me from dwelling on the fact that B isn't here and feeling like I'm "stuck". Instead, I keep my eyes on the horizon and know that each passing day is one day closer to him coming home. With as needy as my newborn is right now, wearing him grants me more freedom. When Boogie was born, I started wearing him because I enjoyed it. Now with two kids, babywearing is simply the most practical solution. And it's a solution I love!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thinking outside of the box
Being dirt poor has it's advantages: it sparks creativity when fueled by desperation. In B's case, he hasn't been able to swing by the house to outfit his truck with essentials. He's getting by with a few changes of clothes, his shower bag and my netbook, but not much more than that. After a week on the road, his food supply is dwindling and at this point isn't much more than some stale bread, some wilting lettuce, even more wilted salad, a tomato and some frozen burritos. The downside to the frozen burritos is that they need to be cooked before they can be eaten. When you get a truck it's not like being handed the keys to a fully furnished apartment. In other words, B doesn't have any way to cook right now. Money is tight enough right now that eating all his meals out is not feasible when we have kids to care for and bills to pay. And the fact that today is a bank holiday and delayed his paycheck certainly doesn't help either.
So with next to nothing to eat, B spent a while wracking his brain to figure out how to get his burrito to an edible state. What he ended up doing was cranking the heat up in his truck, then taping one of the burritos near his heater vent at the base of his bunk and left it there for half an hour.
Leave it to a hungry man to come up with that! It's not nearly as convenient as being able to throw it in the microwave for 3 minutes, but it was better than anything else he had to eat. I've gotta give him credit for resourcefulness and for giving me a good laugh. My poor trucker! He's really roughing it tonight.
So with next to nothing to eat, B spent a while wracking his brain to figure out how to get his burrito to an edible state. What he ended up doing was cranking the heat up in his truck, then taping one of the burritos near his heater vent at the base of his bunk and left it there for half an hour.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Meals to $ave: Tater Tot Casserole
While it's true that there is good money to be made driving OTR, that doesn't mean that trying to save money at home is out of the question. One great way to save money is to prepare meals that stretch. Especially if you are only feeding yourself, or yourself and the kids. One of my favorite meals to stretch is tater tot casserole... if you don't devour it all at once! It was a recipe my trucker came home with from his previous job and was an instant hit. The best part about this is that it actually heats up the next day and tastes as good as, if not BETTER, than it did when it was prepared fresh! It's super easy to make and even impressed Boogie. And most moms know that it can be a feat in itself to find something two please a picky two year old!
11/2 lbs hamburger meat (you can use just 1lb, but 1 1/2 seems to work better)
1 bell pepper, roughly chopped
1/2 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 jar pizza sauce (we prefer Classico)
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 bag tater tots
Brown the meat along with onion and bell pepper. In 13x9 dish, combine meat mixture and sauce then cover with mozzarella cheese. Spread frozen tater tots evenly over the mixture then cover with cheddar cheese and bake in oven according to the directions on tater tot bag.
This is a great meal to have again as leftovers or even put half in the freezer later on. It's one of B's favorites and is filling so I will be sure to save a serving or two with the Food Saver to send along in his freezer on the truck when he comes home again. Except for the pizza sauce and produce (obviously), I buy all store brand ingredients. I get it all for under $15 and when you make it a meal for two nights, you're not even spending $8 on dinner for everyone.
And of course I know B would want me to recommend topping it with some Texas Pete's hot sauce, but that man put Texas Pete's on everything. ;) Bon appétit!
11/2 lbs hamburger meat (you can use just 1lb, but 1 1/2 seems to work better)
1 bell pepper, roughly chopped
1/2 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 jar pizza sauce (we prefer Classico)
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 bag tater tots
Brown the meat along with onion and bell pepper. In 13x9 dish, combine meat mixture and sauce then cover with mozzarella cheese. Spread frozen tater tots evenly over the mixture then cover with cheddar cheese and bake in oven according to the directions on tater tot bag.
This is a great meal to have again as leftovers or even put half in the freezer later on. It's one of B's favorites and is filling so I will be sure to save a serving or two with the Food Saver to send along in his freezer on the truck when he comes home again. Except for the pizza sauce and produce (obviously), I buy all store brand ingredients. I get it all for under $15 and when you make it a meal for two nights, you're not even spending $8 on dinner for everyone.
And of course I know B would want me to recommend topping it with some Texas Pete's hot sauce, but that man put Texas Pete's on everything. ;) Bon appétit!
B's Live & Learn tip of the day
As a new trucker, there are plenty of opportunities to learn as you go. Not all of these opportunities are things you actually want to encounter, nonetheless you have a chance to learn from it.
Check your trailer's landing gear before disconnecting. As B witnessed yesterday morning (not his own truck fortunately!), there is no guarantee that both supports will engage properly. So when this happens and you unknowingly try to pull forward? Your trailer threatens to tip over. When you're doing a swap and that load is on a tight deadline, a tipped trailer is not something you want to be calling RoadAssist about first thing in the morning.
Fortunately, disaster was avoided and the trailer didn't actually tip, but it was an unexpected delay. The culprit behind it all? A single 3/8" bolt that held a connecting rod that allowed the landing gear to deploy simultaneously decided to go AWOL. That one little bolt could have left an inattentive or hurried driver with a trailer on its side and you know that wouldn't go over very well with the higher-ups.
We can joke about it now since it ended up being nothing more than a hiccup in getting on the road for the day, but B will be checking that on his pre- and post-trips from now on!
Check your trailer's landing gear before disconnecting. As B witnessed yesterday morning (not his own truck fortunately!), there is no guarantee that both supports will engage properly. So when this happens and you unknowingly try to pull forward? Your trailer threatens to tip over. When you're doing a swap and that load is on a tight deadline, a tipped trailer is not something you want to be calling RoadAssist about first thing in the morning.
Fortunately, disaster was avoided and the trailer didn't actually tip, but it was an unexpected delay. The culprit behind it all? A single 3/8" bolt that held a connecting rod that allowed the landing gear to deploy simultaneously decided to go AWOL. That one little bolt could have left an inattentive or hurried driver with a trailer on its side and you know that wouldn't go over very well with the higher-ups.
We can joke about it now since it ended up being nothing more than a hiccup in getting on the road for the day, but B will be checking that on his pre- and post-trips from now on!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Our adventure begins!
I'll start by saying that when I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't picture myself in this position at all. I think most women envision themselves and their significant other together in the delivery room welcoming their new baby and then bringing him or her home to settle in as a new family. As it stands, I am a (nearly) 26 year old mother of two and proud trucker's girlfriend. B and I have been together for nearly 4 years. Our oldest son "Boogie" is 2 years old and our little one is only three weeks old. The end of this pregnancy was a stormy up and down experience as pregnancy induced hypertension began to really take a toll on me. During the last two months, B was attending a truck driving school to obtain his CDL while I stayed home on bedrest taking care of Boogie and filling out numerous job applications. To this day I still don't even know my own driver's license number, but can reel off B's drivers license, expiration, social, and past five years of work history, complete with addresses and phone numbers.
I was so excited when my trucker got his CDL at the end of August but began wondering which would come first: our baby's arrival around September 23 or B's departure for orientation for a new job. We were hurting for money so postponing the job hunt was out of the question. On September 3rd, we decided to set an induction date for the 17th. Later that week we got a phone call that I had been hoping for and dreading... B landed a job. More significant was that he was given his departure date: September 10th. I was crushed as now I had a deadline more or less if B was going to be with me in the delivery room. There was no one else in the world I could imagine being with me because I'm a private person. My attempts to jumpstart labor over the weekend came with no success and I was left with a broken heart and a toddler who was screaming for his daddy as the Greyhound bus rumbled away on Monday night. On Thursday the 13th at my doctor's appointment it was decided that I would go in the next morning for induction because my blood pressure was getting out of control and I was contracting regularly anyways. The next day was a whirlwind of emotion for me and really all I wanted was to have B at my side. I was fortunate that things went well. I delivered an 8lb 14.2oz baby boy at 12:47 and the first thing I did after touching him was to text B who was at job orientation and then ask a nurse to use my phone to take pictures. That night we were able to video chat over our phones so he could "meet" baby Devlin.
Since coming home, I have had good days an bad days and looked forward to any calls or occasional texts I received because until now, my trucker and I had been together every single day. I was genuinely interested to hear about the things he encountered during training and secretly I was a little jealous because I have wanted to be a truck driver since I was in the eighth grade and here he was doing it while I was home with the kids. When he was assigned his own truck, a 2012 Kenworth T700, I was thrilled for him and filled with a renewed sense of pride. When I have moments where I sit here feeling sorry for myself because I'm home alone raising two kids, I firmly remind myself that I am lucky to be able to stay home with them while B is out over the road, also all alone, working hard while he waits for the chance to come home and see how his family has grown.
I must admit that I've probably been in need of a reality check since I graduated from high school. I've never been truly on my own and there has always been someone there to make sure I don't screw up too badly. Now I've been essentially thrown to the sharks! I have organized and micro organized everything. I have "The Brain" which is a small organizer book where I write down every bill and when it's due as well as appointments. I figure in a weekly expense allowance for my trucker as well as how much I need for household expenses while trying to be as thrifty as possible. I have found this ongoing task to be quite satisfying. I am so excited that we will be climbing out of debt and getting ahead.
I have reached out to the online community and found other truckers' wives and girlfriends who are in the same situation. And it's not just a situation, it is a lifestyle in which our little family has just entered into. There is a growing strength within me that is determined not to fail. My trucker is out there driving long hours to make the money and with it I will pay the bills, feed and clothe our children and put away for the future. A month ago, I was depressed and nothing but miserable... just trying to get through each day. But this week, I woke up one morning, pulled my head out of my ass, and knowing that I am the one who sets the tone for my day I chose to also gave a sense of pride in myself. Since giving birth I have already lost 40 lbs and that sparked an enthusiasm to better my lifestyle. I am eating better and finding time to exercise. It's an almost rabid obsession right now because I cannot wait to see the look on my trucker's face when he sees how much I've changed (for the better)! Our house was a pig sty when B left. By the time he comes home it will be clean. There is some magical property in coffee that turns me into a crack squirrel and I just start cleaning. Half way through a cup, my brain suddenly goes "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS" and it just goes from there. Now that I see progress I am excited and proud of myself for making another positive change. I have been forced to reclaim a sense of independence which has been incredibly refreshing for me because I didn't realize what I had lost.
So first I am mommy two my two boys and then I am Suzy Homemaker, but I've found a third hat to wear in what I think of as this "trucker's wifestyle". Even though we are not married, I think being together for four years and having two kids together is enough for me to be allowed to consider us married on all but paper... I'm certainly more than a casual girlfriend and my trucker easily fulfills the role of husband in my heart! My newest hat to wear is that of stationary navigator and co-pilot and is a role I am thoroughly enjoying. Hearing the relief in my trucker's voice when I assure him he is running on time and how much squeeze room he has is enough for me. He says that right now while he is a newbie, it takes a big weight off of his shoulders to not necessarily have to calculate every time/mileage scenario. I've already caught a screw up in his second route/fuel stop plan that he was given. And his GPS is on my shit list right now because it has only been trouble so far. I told B that anything I can do to make his life easier whether it just be taking care of the kids, or trying to help bail him out of a tight spot, that's what my job is. Maybe one day we will team drive once the kids are older.
I have learned a lot about a lot of different things in the last couple weeks. I've been learning about the trucks, the job, DOT stuff and hearing a lot about different companies and the types of work. But mostly I've learned a lot about myself and that I am a stronger person than I thought. I fully support my trucker and stand behind him because he is out there missing the chance to see his boys grow up. Before now, I never gave much thought to the lives of truck drivers or the families they leave behind, but now I understand. It's not a job, it's a lifestyle. And for me this isn't just a situation I'm in... it's a wifestyle.
I was so excited when my trucker got his CDL at the end of August but began wondering which would come first: our baby's arrival around September 23 or B's departure for orientation for a new job. We were hurting for money so postponing the job hunt was out of the question. On September 3rd, we decided to set an induction date for the 17th. Later that week we got a phone call that I had been hoping for and dreading... B landed a job. More significant was that he was given his departure date: September 10th. I was crushed as now I had a deadline more or less if B was going to be with me in the delivery room. There was no one else in the world I could imagine being with me because I'm a private person. My attempts to jumpstart labor over the weekend came with no success and I was left with a broken heart and a toddler who was screaming for his daddy as the Greyhound bus rumbled away on Monday night. On Thursday the 13th at my doctor's appointment it was decided that I would go in the next morning for induction because my blood pressure was getting out of control and I was contracting regularly anyways. The next day was a whirlwind of emotion for me and really all I wanted was to have B at my side. I was fortunate that things went well. I delivered an 8lb 14.2oz baby boy at 12:47 and the first thing I did after touching him was to text B who was at job orientation and then ask a nurse to use my phone to take pictures. That night we were able to video chat over our phones so he could "meet" baby Devlin.
Since coming home, I have had good days an bad days and looked forward to any calls or occasional texts I received because until now, my trucker and I had been together every single day. I was genuinely interested to hear about the things he encountered during training and secretly I was a little jealous because I have wanted to be a truck driver since I was in the eighth grade and here he was doing it while I was home with the kids. When he was assigned his own truck, a 2012 Kenworth T700, I was thrilled for him and filled with a renewed sense of pride. When I have moments where I sit here feeling sorry for myself because I'm home alone raising two kids, I firmly remind myself that I am lucky to be able to stay home with them while B is out over the road, also all alone, working hard while he waits for the chance to come home and see how his family has grown.
I must admit that I've probably been in need of a reality check since I graduated from high school. I've never been truly on my own and there has always been someone there to make sure I don't screw up too badly. Now I've been essentially thrown to the sharks! I have organized and micro organized everything. I have "The Brain" which is a small organizer book where I write down every bill and when it's due as well as appointments. I figure in a weekly expense allowance for my trucker as well as how much I need for household expenses while trying to be as thrifty as possible. I have found this ongoing task to be quite satisfying. I am so excited that we will be climbing out of debt and getting ahead.
I have reached out to the online community and found other truckers' wives and girlfriends who are in the same situation. And it's not just a situation, it is a lifestyle in which our little family has just entered into. There is a growing strength within me that is determined not to fail. My trucker is out there driving long hours to make the money and with it I will pay the bills, feed and clothe our children and put away for the future. A month ago, I was depressed and nothing but miserable... just trying to get through each day. But this week, I woke up one morning, pulled my head out of my ass, and knowing that I am the one who sets the tone for my day I chose to also gave a sense of pride in myself. Since giving birth I have already lost 40 lbs and that sparked an enthusiasm to better my lifestyle. I am eating better and finding time to exercise. It's an almost rabid obsession right now because I cannot wait to see the look on my trucker's face when he sees how much I've changed (for the better)! Our house was a pig sty when B left. By the time he comes home it will be clean. There is some magical property in coffee that turns me into a crack squirrel and I just start cleaning. Half way through a cup, my brain suddenly goes "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS" and it just goes from there. Now that I see progress I am excited and proud of myself for making another positive change. I have been forced to reclaim a sense of independence which has been incredibly refreshing for me because I didn't realize what I had lost.
So first I am mommy two my two boys and then I am Suzy Homemaker, but I've found a third hat to wear in what I think of as this "trucker's wifestyle". Even though we are not married, I think being together for four years and having two kids together is enough for me to be allowed to consider us married on all but paper... I'm certainly more than a casual girlfriend and my trucker easily fulfills the role of husband in my heart! My newest hat to wear is that of stationary navigator and co-pilot and is a role I am thoroughly enjoying. Hearing the relief in my trucker's voice when I assure him he is running on time and how much squeeze room he has is enough for me. He says that right now while he is a newbie, it takes a big weight off of his shoulders to not necessarily have to calculate every time/mileage scenario. I've already caught a screw up in his second route/fuel stop plan that he was given. And his GPS is on my shit list right now because it has only been trouble so far. I told B that anything I can do to make his life easier whether it just be taking care of the kids, or trying to help bail him out of a tight spot, that's what my job is. Maybe one day we will team drive once the kids are older.
I have learned a lot about a lot of different things in the last couple weeks. I've been learning about the trucks, the job, DOT stuff and hearing a lot about different companies and the types of work. But mostly I've learned a lot about myself and that I am a stronger person than I thought. I fully support my trucker and stand behind him because he is out there missing the chance to see his boys grow up. Before now, I never gave much thought to the lives of truck drivers or the families they leave behind, but now I understand. It's not a job, it's a lifestyle. And for me this isn't just a situation I'm in... it's a wifestyle.
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